From daddy’s desk – Are all seniors like mine?

Friday, September 1, 2006 7:48 pm at 7:48 pm 9 comments

My mum is very good at commenting on everything and anything she fancies, especially when there is nothing worthwhile to say.

When Brae is dressed in a long-sleeved shirt, she would say that we are cooking him. When he is in a singlet, she thinks he might catch a cold.

When we give him food, it is always the wrong type. Cannot give him too much of this, must give him more of that. A week later, when we give him more of that, cannot…..must give him more of this.

She’s also the nation’s No. 1 hypocrite. She tells us not to feed him too much rubbish (we like to let Brae try the different foods that we eat) but when it comes to her turn, she gives him everything behind our backs. Some horror items she has given him include; calamansi drink, fried chicken, apples soaked in brine, and nuts (basically everything he shouldn’t be taking at his age).

She recently asked us what we are going to do with Brae while wifey is delivering No. 2 in hospital and we said “Leave him with you lah!”. Immediately she went on the defensive. “He doesn’t like my house”. “I don’t know how to look after him”. “You never let me look after him, he won’t be used to it”. Blah blah blah…..ok lah, we get the hint mum, you don’t want the hassle of looking after him. We’ll make other arrangements.

Now she’s starting to hint that she might look after him for a short while but her offer sounds very forced. Very unfortunately for her, wifey and I are not the type to go wishy-washy over such critical issues. What has been said once is always the truth. Anything after that are 1/2 truths or compromises. We have already decided to work out Brae’s arrangements on our own. I’ve got super-wifey and she’s got super-hubby and together we will prevail.

When Brae starts doing something new (to her but it’s old news for us), she would take all the credit for it. “You see, I teach him for 2 days and he’s already picked it up”. The both of us just roll our eyes. She’s not saying that he’s smart, she’s saying she’s good!

Lately, mum’s been hinting at us to get domestic help. I don’t know why she can’t offer to babysit Brae for certain times of the week. She’s probably too busy with her social life, hairstyling, manicures, facials, shopping, karaoke, etc… My mum’s lifestyle makes Paris Hilton’s one seem pale by comparison.

Not once does she say that the both of us have done a swell job with our first child. Zero input from our parents, no help from friends because they are all single, no help from siblings because we are both the eldest and the first to have kids, with only books as reference and a midwife to guide us. We only discovered this lovely blog community much later.
Fortunately, wifey’s parents are out of town. If not, this post of mine will be triple in length. A classic example is this. If Brae does something which to me is part of his learning process, MIL will immediately say (in kampung style Cantonese), “If you continue doing it, I will spank you!”. Aiyo, like that, no need to learn anything lah. All babies keep hands to themselves else MIL will threaten you.


Entry filed under: babykhong, Daddy's Corner, General.

Brae’s response to Vien’s “Yakkity Yak” From daddy’s desk – Brae’s sick & Mum’s at it AGAIN!

9 Comments Add your own

  • 1. vivienlai  |  Saturday, September 2, 2006 1:58 am at 1:58 am

    My in-laws are from the mainland and they had experienced the utterly cold Shanghai weather. Everytime they see us or our nanny dressed Belle with singlet or short-sleeve shirts they will complain she might catch a cold, etc. etc. It’s funny that we’re all Chinese yet we’re very different in culture or upbringing.

    The hubby and I kept telling him we’re in Cali and the weather is slightly different from Shanghai. It’s a constant battle but sometimes we give in (if the weather is getting chilly), sometimes we don’t ‘cos it’s like 90F degree out there! We’re a little lucky in terms of food ‘cos I’m very strict at Belle’s food intake and they (my folks and in-laws) know that. My hubby on the other hand, isn’t much help ‘cos he loves to feed Belle everything (food that is appropriate for her age). I learn to let go. I mean, once in a blue moon a little salyt or sugary stuff will do no harm on the baby.

    I really salute you guys for the perseverance and taking care of 2 little ones will be challenging. One thing I’ve learnt is, accept help when it is offered but give guidelines to the caretaker. Don’t try to be SuperMom and SuperDad all the time. Very letih wan! 😛

  • 2. huisia  |  Saturday, September 2, 2006 7:16 am at 7:16 am template is out!
    I think your wife is so lucky as she has you that willing to side her more than your mum. If my MIL wants to look after my son, for sure my hub will force me to send over to her..then i will be the most unfortunated one.

  • 3. dragonmummy  |  Saturday, September 2, 2006 11:48 am at 11:48 am

    I’m amaze on what you’ve wrote about your mum. My man will definately side and fence for his mum (she is much worst that what you have written about your mum) and I really cant get along with ALLl her ways. I’m so glad that she doesn’t have to take care of my kids. I’m fortunate that my parents are not that way coz mum’s a pre-school teacher that knows how to deal with young kids the correct way…got a lot of help and advise from her.

  • 4. jazzmint  |  Saturday, September 2, 2006 4:58 pm at 4:58 pm

    wah salute u to write bout ur mum and her stints. My hubby always sit on the fence and close one eye, so even myself fedup to complain about the MIL already. Mine sometimes good sometimes bad, got angin one. I used to get so worried over it but now I just act stupid and don’t care lah.

  • 5. shoppingmum  |  Sunday, September 3, 2006 10:47 pm at 10:47 pm

    Frankly, you’re the first man I know who says “bad” about your mum, but from what you wrote, I can understand your situation. Not all seniors are like that, but I admit that our way of thinking and doing things are different from them, and sometimes they get into my nerves too.
    Anyway, I think if you and wifey are better off with your own arrangement as if you don’t like the way she’s taking care of Brae now, it’s even harder to compromise when you’re dealing with a newborn later.

  • 6. jesslyn  |  Monday, September 4, 2006 3:05 pm at 3:05 pm

    my MIL moody type too…her son (my hubby lar) sometimes cannot tahan her too! so i m the middle person, very sian ler…my problem is she take care my kids, so no matter what happen, i hv to be good SIL to her too! so bad hor! *sigh*

  • 7. mumsgather  |  Monday, September 4, 2006 4:09 pm at 4:09 pm

    Well, I have no MIL or FIL or Mum, just my dad and he can’t help much. We’re both the youngest and started our family late. Opposite from you guys. All the rest of our family and friends’ kids are a lot older than ours so not much help there. No domestic help either. We’re on one income so have to save. So we DIY everything ourselves and learn from books, internet and through hands on experience. No choice but its a wonderful learning experience. When we had the second, we had no one to watch the first so we took the first to stay at the hospital with us. Maybe you guys could do that. It definitely helps in the bonding between the siblings and removes the jealousy aspect.

  • 8. daddykhong  |  Monday, September 4, 2006 6:42 pm at 6:42 pm

    The last time, we gave precise instructions to the caretaker (my mum) on how to prepare Brae’s milk. “Fill the bottle to this mark, then empty all the formula from this container into the bottle and feed him.” We come back to find the formula container half-empty and when asked why she did not use all of it, mum said “The milk looked too thick so I used less formula”.

    Tell me, have you seen a grown man weep?

    I am very reasonable. I will side with people whom I think makes sense when they talk. So everyone now knows that my mum NEVER makes any sense at all. Very sad to report this.

    If I side my mum, I guarantee I will be single for the rest of my life.

    All I write is the truth, not some fanciful story to make my mum look bad and me look good.

    I cannot act stupid or deaf anymore. I am not very smart in the first place, you see.

    Shoppingmum & Jesslyn,
    So make sure you learn from your MIL and remember not to be like them when you have grandchildren.

    Are you the one who writes on how to care for 2 kids with no outside help? Wifey has you as her reference point.

  • 9. nadia  |  Tuesday, September 5, 2006 10:30 am at 10:30 am

    I quite understand what you’re going through. My husband and I are sometimes faced with challenging situations from both sides as well. But we try our best not to let these so-called situations affect our marriage and our ways of raising our son.

    My mom (and dad – when he doesn’t feel like going to the office or when he isn’t travelling) looks after Irfan when I work and since I work for my parents, my time is quite flexible lah. She adores him, but I also understand that she can get quite frustrated at certain times because my youngest brother has mild autism. So, to care for two babies (one small, one big – he is 14) is quite handful. Usually, we keep him busy after he comes back from school, so, so far, all is well lah. When things aren’t THAT well, or when my brother throws tantrums, then I’d rush home to care for Irfan. And oh, she respects our way of bringing up our son, so we’re doing okay in that chapter. The only thing she doesn’t agree is us giving Irfan a pacifier. Ha-ha! No pacifier for the lil’ fella when he’s with my mom. And he doesn’t really cry for it.

    My in-laws on the other hand are in Perth because my BIL is studying there. My FIL can’t get out of Australia without my BIL and my MIL comes back every 2 months (for about a month or so). When she’s around, we’ll send him over to her because her time with him is quite limited. There are certain things that I don’t agree with when she takes care of Irfan, but I try not to make a big deal out of it, unless it’s really bad. And when I’m at that stage, I won’t be the one who lets her know what I feel because to me, each child knows his/her parents best and they’d know how to approach the situation. So, when it comes to his parents, Irwan will speak to them and when it comes to mine, I’ll speak to them.

    Just try not to let small things affect you and you guys will be alright. You guys ARE doing alright, what am I saying? =) I respect you both for not having anyone to help care for Brae and the next one coming. Irwan wants me to be a SAHM, but I’m not ready to give up working yet. Maybe soon. Who knows? 😉


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